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Tuesday, June 17th, 2003

Posted by:ex_strages807.
Time:10:20 pm.
best hep speak evar:


1. hella hep prOn.
2. best. hep. evar.

and last but not least................

3. kitties.jpg
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Saturday, July 12th, 2003

Subject:important lesson: USE CAPS
Posted by:tony_laetrile.
Time:4:12 pm.
Mood:surprised.
mike> op me
ùíù mode/#memepool [+o mike] by ignatz
mike> <3 ignatz in the butt
ùíù mode/#memepool [+o nhrrd] by ignatz
ùíù mode/#memepool [+o Sachmet] by ignatz
mike> <3 nhrrd in turn
ùíù mode/#memepool [+o scromp] by ignatz
mike> <3 the sachmet scromp livejournal revolution
ignatz> omg hella <3
mike> you speak with a coherentpeopleistanian accent
mike> please, hep speak is in all caps
mike> OMG HELLA TEH <3
ignatz> D:

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Wednesday, June 25th, 2003

Subject:OMG SLOWEST DAY EVAR
Posted by:tony_laetrile.
Time:1:42 pm.
Mood:crazy.
An interesting fact about hep speak: comparative cases use the superlative. In other words, to say, "this is a slow day at work," Hepspeakers would say: "OMG SLOWEST DAY [TODAY]." As with all Hepspeak, the direct object is often omitted and inferred from context.

To say, "Today is slower than yesterday," Hepspeakers would say: "OMG SLOWEST DAY TODAY > YESTERDAY."

The construct "EVAR" is used to indicate superlatives of qualitative value, e.g., "OMG SLOWEST DAY EVAR." The construct "TEH" is used to indicate superlatives of quantitative value, e.g., "OMG YOU ARE TEH FAT." (where weight is quantitiatively measured).


Keep on Hepping,

Mike
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Saturday, June 21st, 2003

Subject:hep_speak autotranslater
Posted by:tony_laetrile.
Time:6:25 pm.
Not sure if it follows standard Chomsky grammars:

http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files/aolertranslator.html
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Thursday, June 19th, 2003

Posted by:hep.
Time:10:27 am.
omFg wtf stfu
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, June 18th, 2003

Subject:hepisms from _josh
Posted by:ex_strages807.
Time:4:45 pm.
Mood:sore.
< josh> < hepspeak > OMG <3 SCARLET IS MY GIRLFRIEND PLZ < /hepspeak >
< josh> translation:
< josh> scarlet, i find you incredibly attractive and want to have sex with you.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, June 17th, 2003

Posted by:ex_strages807.
Time:11:04 pm.
best. hep. speak. evar.

1. hep pr0n

2. best. hep. evar.

and last but not least..............

3. kitties.jpg
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Welcome to hep_speak!
Posted by:tony_laetrile.
Time:11:07 pm.
Mood:blank.
Welcome to our community. This community exists for people to be more like hep. This is something akin to a tobacco lobby: You know it's no good for you, but once you've got Hep on your lips, you just can't get the taste out of your mouth.

HEP GRAMMAR

LESSON ONE

Hep Grammar is very easy. Hepspeak is like Standard American English, only totally retarded. For example, this is a standard English sentiment:

"I really enjoy Thai peanut noodles. I also like peanut butter. In fact, I think I enjoy all peanut products, as I enjoy peanuts."


This is the equivalent in Hepspeak:

OMG HELLA MARRYING GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER

    Note the following grammatical conventions:

  • "OMG" is used to initiate a sentence. Given the profound lack of punctuation elsewhere, or differentiation between capital and terminal letters, "OMG" sufficies as a crude marker between thoughts.

  • Hepspeak, like many other languages of Indo-European origin, has the following cases:
    • nominative,
    • vocative,
    • accusative,
    • instrumental,
    • dative,
    • ablative,
    • genitive,
    • locative.
    In this case "HELLA" is a first person pronoun of the accusative case, where the speaker is the direct object. Accusiative pronouns for second person are <3 <name>. There are no third person pronouns (implied by context). Note plurality is not indicated, being implied by context. (the exception being second person plural, where <3 ALL OF YOU is typed.

    Thus the statements:

    OMG HELLA PWNING YOU
    <3 scarlet pwned dan
    [dan] pwned futhman

    Are three different ways of indicating that X "pwned" (more on that later) Y.</li>
  • Note that in Hepspeak, subjunctive is the same as future perfect is the same as the present participle. "I intend/hope to Marry" is the same as "I will marry" is the same as "I am marrying". Ergo "OMG HELLA MARRYING X" means "I intend to marry/will marry X."

  • Hepspeak is replete with metaphor and analogy; the sentence could be said more literally as OMG HELLA LOVE THE PEANUT, but the references to George Washington Carver are witty and indirect. Hepspeak, despite its runaway-truck-piloted-by-rabid-suicide-bombers-on-PCP cadence, is a surprisingly subtle language.



Lesson 2 coming shortly.
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LiveJournal for The Hep Speak Community.

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