Welcome to our community. This community exists for people to be more like hep. This is something akin to a tobacco lobby: You know it's no good for you, but once you've got Hep on your lips, you just can't get the taste out of your mouth.
LESSON ONE Hep Grammar is very easy. Hepspeak is like Standard American English, only totally retarded. For example, this is a standard English sentiment:
"I really enjoy Thai peanut noodles. I also like peanut butter. In fact, I think I enjoy all peanut products, as I enjoy peanuts."
This is the equivalent in Hepspeak:
OMG HELLA MARRYING GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER
In this case "HELLA" is a first person pronoun of the accusative case, where the speaker is the direct object. Accusiative pronouns for second person are <3 <name>. There are no third person pronouns (implied by context). Note plurality is not indicated, being implied by context. (the exception being second person plural, where <3 ALL OF YOU is typed.
Note the following grammatical conventions:
- "OMG" is used to initiate a sentence. Given the profound lack of punctuation elsewhere, or differentiation between capital and terminal letters, "OMG" sufficies as a crude marker between thoughts.
- Hepspeak, like many other languages of Indo-European origin, has the following cases:
Thus the statements:
OMG HELLA PWNING YOU
<3 scarlet pwned dan
[dan] pwned futhman
Are three different ways of indicating that X "pwned" (more on that later) Y.</li>
Note that in Hepspeak, subjunctive is the same as future perfect is the same as the present participle. "I intend/hope to Marry" is the same as "I will marry" is the same as "I am marrying". Ergo "OMG HELLA MARRYING X" means "I intend to marry/will marry X."
Hepspeak is replete with metaphor and analogy; the sentence could be said more literally as OMG HELLA LOVE THE PEANUT, but the references to George Washington Carver are witty and indirect. Hepspeak, despite its runaway-truck-piloted-by-rabid-suicide-bombers-on-PCP cadence, is a surprisingly subtle language.
Lesson 2 coming shortly.